Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
