I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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