That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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