you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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