He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
