Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
