I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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