so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
