I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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