is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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