He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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