She is in my trunk
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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