it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
