May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
