We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
