I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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