ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
