the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize