I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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