sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
