i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
