I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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