I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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