Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
