I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
