I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
