Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
