please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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