And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
