don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
