If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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