im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I will pee on everything he values.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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