I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
