So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
