guys are only as good as the porn they watch
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
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Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize