dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
