some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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