How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
