he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
someone owes me an orgasm
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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