I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
