I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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