I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
