True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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