i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
