i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She bit a glass in half.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
