My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
