I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize