so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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