The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
