Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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