he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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