Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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