it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
