In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
