ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
