Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize