I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
