I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
