forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
