can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
