You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
