Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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