can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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