the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
