i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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