if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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