you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
