I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
