Pants 0. Shit 1.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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