the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
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Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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