he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
His nipple licking is glorious
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