Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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