I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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